Keith opinioned:
My personal opinion to Zemien's questions:

<How much do we give and take? Are we expected to give more than to take? Who defines what boundaries there are in a compromise?>

In a true relationship, there is no visible boundary for "give & take". You give because you feel like to give; you take because he feels like giving you. No force applied, no physical power or violence compelled. Compromise within two consented adults isn't the same as a "contract" in the business world.

<After all, if we give too much, we wouldn't be ourselves would we?>

Well, I do not agree completely. We know ourselves better each day after every big and small incident, experience, etc. When you really encounter a man that you truly love, you willing to give more, then would you consider that you have become another person? Or you are just being yourself in front of this Mr. Right?

Give and take is a mutual thing, one who keeps giving will get tired and frustrated at last. So, I personally like to be moderate in every aspect, give willingly and receive thankfully.


Bern shared:
My personal opinion to Keith's personal opinion to Zemien's questions:

Give and take is a dynamic and reciprocal process in a relationship. And thru this process, boundaries are somehow drawn but are subjected to change because of the dynamism in the same process.

No doubt, there will be NEGOTIATION [Zemien: How much do we give and take?], that's where problem may arise in a relationship. I think this is also the real "test" for the relationship and the problem solving or conflict management ability of both parties.

In a healthy relationship, no force, no coercion, no violence should be involved in the negotiation, instead it needs respect, compassion, understanding, and compromise. And it has to be for the betterment and well being of both parties and also for the relationship.

I think this is the MOST tricky part of an intimate relationship, because it is thru this give and take process, we get to know ourselves better, especially our inner-self; and also the other party.
We negotiate with others in our workplace, schools etc. but in these negotiations, we tend to care more for ourselves, our own benefits and agendas. However, in the negotiation of a (healthy) relationship, we need to consider the benefits for oneself, the other party and the relationship itself. Hence, we not only learn about ourselves but also learn to transcend oneself - to be ourselves and beyond ourselves, probably simultaneously. And we find L-O-V-E.

*** ***

My analogy for intimate relationship is ...Imagine a bird with only one wing, he cannot fly with his only wing. He needs another one-winged bird to be able to soar high. They are, no doubt, individuals, but they complement each other with their individuality. (Of course, they can't fly if both have left or right wing :D)

As human, we cannot possibly have all the human qualities/characteristics, well, you can call them Ying and yang qualities, masculine and feminine qualities ... whichever you like. The idea is, we usually have certain prominent qualities (and it's usually a mixture of Ying and Yang) but not the others or perhaps it's in dormancy - that's our one wing.

And usually we make friend with people with the same wing. We enjoy the similarity. But it excites you, if you are able to find the other wing, that's what we normally called, opposite attraction. People of "the other wing" enable us to see thing from another perspective due to their different qualities from us, and enrich our life experience - and it works mutually. So, we can soar high when we share our one wing with the other wing. I think sharing is a better word for give and take. Again, (new question) where you wanna fly, that's another story ...Go figure (Lek)

Steve agreed:
I fully agree with the analysis by Bern .

In a relationship when we start to weigh and calculate it is the end of everything. It is something we nurture and inculcate through out a long period of time with no conditions. Well, the limit is when both parties still feel committed and comfortable with the situation. Otherwise, it will be called off.

Jung added:
I think in a relationship, the word WE is used instead of I and You. Maybe it sounds stupid. That is why we call it "FALL IN LOVE". You just ...... well .......... fallllllllllll

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