Hi everyone,

This is to share with you that I had been interviewed by Astro to tell my life stories as a gay man. The program is scheduled to be on air as below:

Date: April 10, Sunday
Time: 9:30pm-10:30pm
TV station: Astro AEC channel 19
Program: "A Journey with Jason"
Language: Mandarin

Please inform your Chinese speaking friends about this. The program is about sharing of how I walked through my life as a gay man. I am not representing or speaking for the community. However, I would hope that this program could bring some positive note to the community, to empower those who are still struggling with sexuality issues, as well as helping the society to understand, be tolerant and acceptance towards homosexuality.

There will be previews on Astro channel 19 from tonite
onwards.

Eric Goh

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As you probably know that my TV "coming out" programme shall be on air some time in April on Astro AEC channel 19, "A Journey with Jason" on any Sunday 9:30pm-10:30pm. I hope you could give some support to my family before and after the programme is aired.

I have been interviewed by NTV7 Edisi Mandarin Siasat(shot from my back), RTM2 Mandarin News (as AIDS work volunteer speaking on gay rights) and various printed media over the years without showing my face. But nothing is bigger and as detail as this time, showing full face and telling my whole life stories and involving so many friends. It is really a big step for me.

I just hope that the programme will come out good and my effort and sacrifice is worthy.

My biggest concern is my family. I hope they can cope with the outcome and face some possible pressure from people around them. Although I had done my best to minimise the pressure by did not show their photos, did not tell my real name, did not mention any place and people. Some relatives might still watch the programme and may get a shock, eventhough my dad had already
assured me that they will deal with the relatives, as sooner or later they will know too and in fact some already suspected. My mom's biggest worry is her circle of friends and neighbours, but because I seldom go home, many of them wouldn't regconize me.

I really thank to my family for accepting me, being so understanding and gave their support. But now they need support too. I hope it is not too much to ask for your help to write some words of encouragement to my mom and dad, brother and sisters. If you could, please write in Chinese. You can send by email to me and I will forward to my brother and sisters so that they can pass to my mom and dad.

Eric

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Worry not my friend. That's a bold step, but nevertheless a good step forward. You definitely have my support. Take care and will look forward to the program.

Thanks.

Dave

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"You are lucky that your family can accept you, I don't think I will be that lucky, not every parents
can accept that..."

That is the most common response I heard from some PLUs after my TV coming out program.

Well, it is my intention to get more people follow my footstep, take my TV program as an opportunity and borrow strength to 'come out' in various stage, either to friends, collegues, family or just make a first step 'out' to join a gay activity.

After my TV program, it does encourage some PLUs to 'come out', for example to join PT Foundation, PLUPenang and LPG activities. However, I have not heard anyone 'come out' to parents, using my TV program as a stepping stone to tell their parents that"Hey, mom and dad, I'm also like that".

I understand 'coming out' is not easy. But how much longer do you intent to keep the secret and contonue to live life under pressure, worry and fear of being discovered?

Yes you can say that you may not be as 'lucky' as I am, but let me share with you, my family acceptance was not solely by luck. That was because I have done a lot of ground works.

If you watched the program, you would know that I started to accept myself when I was 22 years old. From that time onward, I have always had it in mind that I will 'come out' to my parents one day. I kept that in mind and never stopped finding ways to breakthrough that barrier.

I first 'came out' to my closed friend (Singapore) in 1993, then I joinned AFA (Action for Aids), then I came back to KL, 'came out' to my life-long friend now in Canada, then my girl pen-pal, then I joinned Pink Triangle, then I started to go out to clubs, then I met my ex in 1994, we then moved together and live with other gay couples under one roof (the Cheras family), then I 'came out' to my sister in KL when she studied in college, then she told my other sister in Penang, they kept the secret for a few years, then I joinned the Leadership Programme course in 1998, 'came out' during training class to a group of straight people, then I 'came out' to my brother by email in year 2000, then I 'came out' to all other ex-schoolmates in my hometown during a gathering, then 2 years ago finally, I 'came out' to my parents, I was 32 years old then. You see, it took me 10 years to actually open my mouth to tell my parents that I am gay!!!

It all started with my dream to 'come out'. A lot of us dare not dream. We always give ourselves some valid reasons to not telling our parents. However I have my strong reason to 'come out'. As I said before, just like in the movie - "Rice Rhapsody" - I want to be able to go home and share ups and downs with my parents. I want to build a true, honest and closed relationship with my family, like all other siblings do. I did nothing wrong. Why should I be keeping and hiding things from them? Parents care about us and always want to know about our life out there.

Of course I could not just told my parents in their face that I am gay. I was also very patient to plan my strategies, step by step, take little risk at a time.

Along the way, i did a lot of things, such as those that I mentioned during the TV interviewed (they did not showed all). I inserted Kindsey's Sex report in my dad's bookshelf, folding up the page about homosexuality, hoping that he would read it one day, I bought "The Wedding banquet" movie tickets and solicited the whole family to watch it. I used to bring my boyfriend home and got him and my family members fimiliar with each other. I would past the phone to him and let him talked to my mom and dad. I introduced my gay land-lord, a sucessful middle age bachelor who traveled anywhere as he wished, and told my parents that I wanted to be like him. I would delibrately place some positive gay novel, research documents, books(no porn of course) on the table, when parents visited me in KL. I would educate my family about HIV/AIDS and explained that it is not a gay disease. All these were my soft approaches to slowly 'coming out' to my parents.

Along the way, I also built my self-confident, self-esteem, self-worth. I mixed around with
supportive and positive thinking gay friends. I also involved in many community works to empower myself and others, as I contribute more I gain more from the experiences I had. From AFA to PT to Cheras family to LPG to reaching out to straight LP course mates... all these help me to build strength and confident.

I imagine my life will not be as positive as today if I were to 'came out' first to gay discos & pubs,
parks, toilets, saunas and internet sex. I will not have the self-worth and will probably look down on
myself and will always think negatively about being gay.

After I joinned PT, did the outreach work, then only I slowly came out to clubs, parks, learn about internet cruising and visited other cruising grounds. That time I was already equiped with positive informations, clear conscience of what I wanted. I was able to control my emotions and thinking. Even until today, if I go out cruising, I will not easily lost in the mist of loneliness, emptiness or desperation. I can seperate between sex drive and looking for love relationship.

However, as human being, I do lost in my way sometimes, but I have a lot of true friends that I can
count on. I choose my friends. I know who are the supportive ones and think positively, who can I turn to during relationship crisis, who to seek for career and financial advice. Friends give their best opinions and valuable advices. Acquantances, party goers, sex buddies and ONS will not.

Attending the LP course, I began to step out of my comfort zone of conforming into the gay community alone. I began to take risk and take personal responsibility, that if straight people are to accept gays, it has to begin with me reaching out first, instead of hoping the society to change. I began to reach out and have more gay-friendly straight friends.

All along, I have never seen 'coming out' in public as necessary. It just like no straight people will go around and tell everyone that they are straight. Why should gay be different? Since my family has already acceptanced my sexual orientation 2 years ago, my long waited dream has come true, why should I care about others?

However, when I think deeper, I was also like many of us, hoping that someone would 'come out' publicly to change the society's perception. But then, who will do it, if everyone just pointing fingers at each other and no one is willing to stand up?

Was it the right time? Well, I used to think that the right time to 'come out' to my parents was when I am financially stable, have a good and long lasting relationship..etc. But then the right time never come. In fact I was very furious when my 9-year relationship ended, all our dreams and hopes were gone. Our joint-hand career, dream of buying own our house, family acceptance, gay marriage, adopting kids...etc, all washed down into the drain... Perhaps that was why I 'came out' to my parents at that point, hoping I could at least manage to rescue my family acceptance. I was like looking for a root to grab on as I was sinking. But I was also quite ready that my parents would accept me and will therefore give me support that I needed that time.

So the right time to do anything that feels right is NOW. When Astro approached me, I just agreed without much hesitation.

All I want say is, NOTHING COMES EASY. My family acceptance, supports from friends and collegues are not granted by chance. All that I gained today is not solely by luck. I took a long way. Its worth to take that path and now I just walked the extra mile by 'coming out' publicly at age 34.

So, don't just congratulate me and admire me, you too can be like me and my family. It all started with a dream, then take effective actions and courage to face the consequences.

I really hope to see more people taking the same journey.

Eric

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