Chua, Hang Kuen
School of Social Sciences , Universiti Sains Malaysia , Penang

Abstract:
The Malaysian society is experiencing immense social and cultural changes. These changes, among others, include the emergence of gay subculture in which people identify and present themselves as having a gay identity and lifestyle. However, the adoption of gay identity among Chinese men clashes with the role expectations of the son circumscrib ed by Confucian ethics of filial piety. Therefore, by adopting a gay identity, Chinese gay men are subjected to various role conflicts when they are expected to perform the roles of a son, especially in fulfilling the roles to get married and to continue the family lineage. This paper explores the role conflict experiences of three Chinese gay men in their families and how they cope with the role conflict situation. The three cases show that the role expectations for the son in Chinese family are dynamic and continuously being reconstructed, so as their son/gay identities.

Key words:
Role conflict; coping; Chinese; gay men.

Contact:
Email: chk1974@hotmail.com & ckuen74@yahoo.com
Mailing address: AIDS Action & Research Group, School of Social Sciences, Universiti Sains Malaysia, 11800 Penang.
Telephone: (04) 653 3955 / 656 5984

Biodata:
The author is currently a graduate student in the School of Social Sciences, Universiti Sains Malaysia. His fields of interest are subculture; gender and sexuality; sexual health and rights of sexual marginalized groups. He affiliates with AIDS Action & Research Group, USM and also volunteers in HIV/AIDS and LGBT activism.

INTRODUCTION

The Emergence of Gay Subculture in Malaysia

The Malaysian society has experienced immense social and cultural changes since the last few decades. Among these changes is the emergence of gay subculture or egalitarian homosexuality (Sullivan, 2001), in which people increasingly identify themselves, as well as present themselves to others as having a consciousness and politics related to their homosexuality (Altman, 1995; cited by Sullivan, 2001). Hence leading to the creation of exclusive gay communit ies and lifestyles. This is evident from the local media coverage on gay related news and issues; the formation and expansion of exclusive gay social and virtual groups (Baba, 2001; Yahoo Groups, 14 th Oct 2004 ); and the proliferation of gay "hangouts" (Baba, 2001; Sin Chew Jit Poh, 23 rd July 2001; Utopia Asian Gay & Lesbian Resources, 13 th Oct 2004) in contemporary Malaysian society.

The diffusion of gay subculture, however, poses a challenge to both the social institutions and the subculture groups involved. As Thorsten Sellin (1993: 74) suggests, "conflicts of cultures are inevitable when the norms of one cultural or subcultural area . come in contact with those of another." In Malaysia , the conflict of mainstream culture and gay subculture manifests itself in legislation and public opinion. According to Malaysian law 1 , homosexual behaviour, even between consenting adults, is liable to criminal charges that can result in imprisonment for up to a maximum of twenty years and whipping. P revailing political and religion leaders also tend to view homosexuality as "immoral, despicable, eerie" 2 , "shameless and a crime worse than murder" 3 . For them, homosexuality is perceived as social illness that threatens the existing social and moral order; therefore it must be controlled.

In such a hostile socio-cultural environment, members of the gay subculture groups have evolved various coping strategies such as deception, play acting, information control in order to deal with these conflict situations and negative sanctions (cf. Goffman, 1963; see also Davies, 1996). In particular, they need to readjust to certain social roles as well as conduct norms which may contradict with one another and result in what role theorists call role conflict (cf. Bertrand, 1972; Biddle, 1986; Schaefer, 2002). This is particularly relevant in the context of Chinese gay men who are expected to perform the roles and obligations of a son in their families while maintaining their gay identities and lifestyles.

Filial Piety and Role Conflict Among Chinese Gay Men in Their Families

Though 68.3% compare to 20.2% of the Chinese Malaysian claim to be Buddhist rather than Confucian, Taoist or of other traditional religion (Department of Statistics, 1995), these systems of belief are inseparable and interlaced for the majority of Chinese Malaysian (cf. Lok, 2000; Tan, 2000). Despite their religion, they "share a common cultural past in China and are united by a set of common Chinese traditions . such as traditional Chinese values and philosophy" (Tan, 2000: 65). In this context, Confucianism is the major philosophy that continuously shapes the Chinese society in Malaysia via socialization (Heng and Lee, 2000) and the Chinese education system (Yen, 2000).

Basically, Confucianism advocates that, in order to achieve a good society, each individual must fulfil the duties and obligations in accordance with ~{P"~} ( xiao ) or filial piety, which demands "unreserved obedience and devotion of the son to his father, of the younger to the elder, and of the subject to the ruler" (Lang, 1968: 10). Filial piety thus forms the central value of conduct in the Chinese family (Chou, 2001), particularly in the parents-child relationship. Besides being obedient and devoted to the parents, the son is also expected to provide economic support to his parents, to satisfy their wishes and look after their safety under this doctrine (Hsu 1981). As Chinese Malaysians practise patrilineal descent (Tan, 2000), it is considered a main responsibility for the son to get married and have male descendants to ensure the continuation of the ~{Oc;p~} ( xiang huo ) or the "incense smoke at the ancestral shrines" (Hsu, 1971: 75), which symbolizes the family lineage. This is reflected in the Confucian saying ~{2;P"SPH}~} , ~{N^:sN*4s~} ( bu xiao you san, wu hou wei da ), which means, "there are three unfilial acts, the greatest (worst) is to be without heirs" (Lee, 1986: 89). Failure to fulfill these roles and obligations, a son is either no more to be regarded as a son, or he has to reclaim his status as a son by returning to the fold of tradition (Becker & Barnes, 1961).

Under such circumstance, Chinese gay men who have adopted exclusive gay identities and lifestyles may be subjected to role conflicts when they are expected to perform the traditional family roles of a son circumscribed by filial piety. In order to cope with the role conflict situations and maintain their personal and general well-being in their families, they may need to develop various strategies and coping mechanisms to resolve these role conflicts. This paper explores the role conflict and coping strategies of three cases in Penang and Kuala Lumpur.

THEORETICAL FRAMEWORK

According to role theorists, the society is "a network of variously interrelated positions or statuses, within which individuals enact roles" (Turner, 1974: 161). In this construct, the social actors enact their roles according to the function and sets of role expectations associated with the status positions they occupy (Turner, 1974). There are three general categories of role expectations: (1) the expectations from the norms; (2) the expectations from others in an interaction situation; and (3) the expectations from a real or imagined reference groups (Turner, 1974). However, the character or definition of a role/role expectation is not static, as it "will tend to change if there are persistent changes in either the behaviours of those presumed to be playing the role or the contexts in which the role is played" (Turner, 2003: 388).

When the role expectations that adhere to one or more status positions are incompatible, enacting roles may become problematic (Bertrand, 1972). Role conflict occurs when individual experiences incompatible or contradictory role expectations in one or more status positions held by the same person, in which, conforming to one may defeat or negate the other (Bertrand, 1972; Biddle, 1979; Schaefer, 2002). Many studies show that role conflict is associated with stress and malintegration in personal and professional life ( Siegall & Cummings, 1995). Therefore, the social actor will tend to act to alleviate or resolve the role conflict in order to improve the gratification of high role adequacy (Turner, 2003).

Van de Vliert (1979, 1981; cited in Biddle, 1986) suggested a three-steps coping mechanism to resolve role conflict occurred in organization: first, choose among norms (with consideration of possible sanctions and legitimacy of norms), compromise among norms if the former is not possible, and the last resource is to withdraw from the situation. In addition, Hall (1972; cited in Biddle, 1986) also discusses three types of response 4 : negotiating the expectations with others; restructuring one's views of the situation; and adjusting one's behaviours (Biddle, 1986). Similarly, Thoits (1987) suggests that individual can abandon one or more roles in conflict; segregate conflicting roles in time and space (to avoid having to choose between incompatible expectations); or assign priority to roles. However, one may not be able to use these techniques if situation does not permit.

METHODOLOGY

The three respondents for this paper are self-affirmed gay men recruited from the Internet, author's social circle and by referral. They highlight the following features: an age ranges between 30 to 40 year old; and they come from diverse family, educational, socio-economic backgrounds, and gay subculture involvement. The Focused interview or semi-structured interview (Minichiello et al., 1995) technique was used to record the respondents' life experience. There were no structured orders of questioning in the interviews. The interview focuses on, (a) respondents' self-conception as a son and as a gay man; (b) their perceived role expectations as a son; and (c) their experience of role conflict and coping strategies. A questionnaire was used to facilitate the collection of respondents' bio data, family structure and involvement with family and gay subculture. The interviews were conducted in Penang Island (Alfred and William) and Kuala Lumpur (Dave) in early 2004. All interviews, except the interview with William, were recorded with the respondents' permission. However, as coming out 5 to one's parents is considered as a major problem for most Chinese gay men (cf. Chou, 2001), this study did not include the respondents' parents and other family members for interview.

ROLE CONFLICT AND COPING STRATEGIES: THE CASES

The cases are presented below based on: personal and family background; gay identity and gay subculture involvement; role expectations, role conflict and coping in the family. Anonyms are used to ensure the confidentiality of the respondents.

The Case of Alfred

Personal and Family Background

Alfred aged 40 and he comes from Penang . Alfred holds a college diploma and he works as a social worker working with people living with HIV/AIDS (monthly income less than RM1,000). Alfred is a devoted Buddhist. He comes from a nuclear family. Alfred's father (Burmese descendant, 71, primary education, Buddhist) is a retired Federal Reserve Unit personnel; his mother (Chinese, 65, primary education, Buddhist) is a housewife. His family consists of his parents, an older sister and a younger brother; he is the eldest son in the family. Both of Alfred's siblings are married with children. Alfred stays on his own, while his brother stays with their parents as an extended family. Although Alfred is not staying with his parents, he is close with them and they can talk about anything.

Gay Identity and Subculture Involvement

Alfred is now openly gay and single. He is rather conscious about his appearance because he dresses fashionably and works out regularly. Alfred realized his homosexual tendency when he was 10. He got involved in gay subculture at 12. Alfred's social life revolves around his gay friends and he frequents gay websites, e-groups and entertainment outlets. His favourite hangout is a pub-cum-disco in town. Alfred thinks that it is deceitful for a gay man to marry a woman, therefore he never thought of getting married.

Role Expectations, Role Conflict and Coping in The Family

As the eldest son, Alfred experienced tremendous pressure, mostly from his mother, to date and get married since early twenties.

When I was 21 and older, my mother often hurried me into marriage, which was a pressure for me. They first asked me indirectly, like "Do you befriend with your female colleagues?" Then later they asked me directly, "When are you going to look for a mate?"

He foresaw this pressure when he was in his teens, so he mentally prepared himself so that he would not give in to his mother's expectation. In respond to his parents' expectation, sometimes Alfred would confront and quarrel with them, sometimes they would sit down and talk. Alfred told them that marriage is unnecessary and some people live happily being single. Sometimes Alfred came out with different kinds of excuses, for example, no money, no property, no car, etc. However, his parents would argue that both husband and wife could work to overcome the financial problems. This negotiation went on for the following 3 to 5 years. His parents once commented that Alfred is unfilial because he tends to confront his parents when they are in disagreement. But Alfred would reply, "I might be unfilial in certain ways, because I rather be unfilial than follow the notion of filial piety fatuously and become a laughingstock for others." But Alfred dared not doing so when he was younger, he even thought of ending his life in his teens; because of his sexual orientation, the disagreements with his parents; and also his financial limitation that deprived his chances of further education.

Apart from getting married, Alfred was also expected to provide grandchildren to his parents and stay with them as an extended family. Alfred had never got married neither did he procreate; he even moved out from his family, which had created some disturbance in the family. He moved out not because he wanted to stay away from his family, but their dwelling is too small to accommodate the increasing number of family members after his brother got married. However, the fact that having a brother who got married and propagate, makes a difference for Alfred.

I was under pressure to get married and to propagate before my brother gets married. But half of the pressure for me to get married and to propagate was gone after my brother's marriage and the birth of my nephews and niece. Since then, my parents seldom persuaded me to get married.

And now, Alfred's brother has practically taken over Alfred's role as the "eldest son" in the family - staying with and taking care of the parents. However, Alfred still helps his parents to do whatever trivial matters whenever they ask him to. Moreover, Alfred does offer financial support for his parents as often and as much as he can afford, although he is not expected to do so. Alfred came out to his family 3 years ago, initially his parents still held some hope that Alfred might get married one day, but now they started to reconcile to the fact that Alfred is gay and will not get married.

The Case of William

Personal and Family Background

William is 32 and from Penang . He holds a college diploma and he helps his father to manage one of his family businesses (monthly income between RM1,000 to RM3,000). William is a religious Taoist. He comes from a nuclear family, which is a renown business family. William's father (62, primary education, Taoist) is a semi-retired businessman; his mother (61, secondary education, Taoist) is a housewife. William's family consists of his parents, two older sisters, one younger brother and two younger sisters. Both older sisters are married with children. Currently William, together with his brother and a younger sister are staying with the parents.

Gay Identity and Subculture Involvement

William knew he liked to look at other men and wanted to be physically intimate with them when he was in high school. However he thought that dating with girl was a normal thing to do then. In fact, before William comes to terms with his homosexuality, he had three relationships with girls. William accepted his gay identity when he was 31, after knowing a few self-affirmed gay men as friends. But William has been very discreet about his homosexuality. None of his straight 6 friends know that he is gay and his involvements in gay subculture are limited to meeting his boyfriend, browsing gay e-groups and watching gay related movies privately. He has also never been to any gay commercial outlets. As William is very concerned about his confidentiality, notes were taken for this interview instead of being recorded.

Role Expectations, Role Conflict and Coping in The Family

As the ~{3$WS5UKo~} ( zhang zi di sun ) or primogeniture in his kindred; his family, particularly his father, has two major expectations of him - to perform well in his work and to get married, so that he can be the role model for his brother and other cousins.

My father is a businessman; he always wants me to take over his business when he retires. Therefore, he expects a lot from me - I started to work since Standard 5 and he even asked me to stop schooling after Form 5 so that I can concentrate on my work.

William conforms to this expectation. He spends most of his time and strength on the family business. In terms of marriage, William's parents would pressure him to find a girl friend and arrange matchmaking sessions for him. Young William conformed, with reluctance, to this expectation because he thought it was the only choice he had and he needed to live up to his family's expectations. William, therefore, had had relationships with girls and he once brought one of the girl friend to meet his family. He did so out of peer pressure and the pressure from his family and his relatives, especially, his grandparents and cousins. After accepting himself being gay, William will avoid such conversation, keep quiet or excuse himself by telling them that he was too busy with the family business.

William also attended two matchmakings arranged for him when he was 21 and 23. But William told his parents after the meetings that he was not interested with the matches and that he was too young to be married. He also told them that he would not go for any other matchmaking even if they tried to do so. Notwithstanding his rejection, he was forced to go for another matchmaking when he was 32. The recent matchmaking posed great pressure for William. He knew about it earlier, so he started to go back late at night after work to avoid meeting his parents; he did so until his father had to get hold of him through his mobile phone to arrange the meeting. In the end, William went to the matchmaking session with his parents. Like the previous matchmakings, William excused himself from the match up. But this time his father got angry and coerced him, "Why aren't you getting married? If you are not married, how can I trust you with the family business?" They had a short argument and William then left the house with much grievance.

I don't know, but I feel so sad because I spent all my youth on our family business, and it seems to me that I will get nothing if I do not get married!

William's father also expects him to have children. He always tells William, "I can surpass all my friends/peers in many aspects of my life, except that I don't have grandchildren!" As a businessman, William's father always socializes with his friends and associates; sometimes William goes along too. Sometimes, the friends or associates of William's father will ask William if he is married or has children, which makes William and his father feel uneasy. As a result, William will avoid going to these gatherings with his dad. While his dad will nag him for not getting married, in response, William keeps quiet or responds in a lackadaisical manner.

Compared to previous years, William now decided that he will not take the notion of filial piety so seriously and to the extent that it forces him to be straight to fulfil his parents' expectations of him.

However I can't tell when the pressure from my family can be so great that I have to change my mind.

William is concerned about his and his family's reputation; rejection from his family, and his financial and general well being if he chooses to live the gay lifestyle. Therefore he will not come out to his family and is discreet about his homosexuality. He also thinks of leaving Penang and living on his own.

The Case of Dave

Personal and Family Background

Dave aged 35 and he comes from Kedah. Dave graduated from a local university and is currently working as a manager in a private company (monthly income between RM5,000 to RM7,000). Dave is a Buddhist but he considers himself being not religious. He comes from a nuclear family. His father (63, higher secondary education, Buddhist) is a retired headmaster; and his mother (62, secondary education, Buddhist) is a retired teacher. Dave is the eldest son in the family. His family consists of his parents, two younger sisters and a younger brother. Both his sisters are married with children but his younger brother is still single. Dave and his siblings are not staying with their parents in Kedah. Although Dave is not staying with his parents, he does make an effort to talk to his parents over the phone and to meet his siblings frequently. Dave's parents, on the other hand, will also visit all their children in Kuala Lumpur occasionally.

Dave hasn't been staying with his family ever since he was 12 years old. This is because he went to a boarding school for his secondary education and he got into the university in another state. He works Kuala Lumpur after he graduated from the university. It wasn't Dave's intention to leave his family so that he could live freely as a gay man outside his family. On the contrary, he is very close with his family, especially his mother; they can talk about just anything except the issue of sexuality.

Gay Identity and Subculture Involvement

Dave realized his homosexual tendency and accepted it at very young age.

I admire male more than female, and I started to do some reading. By 12, I know what homosexuality is and I realized that I am considered as a homosexual. So I just come to accept myself.

Dave started to meet other gay men when he was 15. Now, Dave cohabits with his male partner in Kuala Lumpur . They have been together for the past 7 years. He socializes with both straight and gay friends, and he is out to them and his colleagues. He gets involved in gay subculture groups and commercial outlets on a regular basis. Throughout his life, Dave has never tried to change his sexual orientation. He is comfortable with himself and he did not have to struggle to accept his homosexuality. It was never an issue to him.

Role Expectations, Role Conflict and Coping in The Family

There was only one occasion when Dave's parents pestered him to get married. His parents did it when Dave had just graduated from the university about 8 years ago. However, after they saw Dave with his male partner, they stopped bringing up that subject.

Basically no problem, my parents accepted me after so many years. They know about my partner; we go out together whenever they come to Kuala Lumpur . They've been to our place and they know we have been staying together, because there is only one bed in our room. It is not a problem.

However, Dave did not make it clear verbally to his parents about his homosexuality; he only came out to his siblings. Dave's parents, in a way, acquiesce his homosexual relationship, as they do not talk about it openly.

According to Dave, his parents are quite open-minded about the issue of family lineage. They are not so traditional that they expect him to provide grandchildren to carry the family's name. Besides, they are contented with grandchildren from Dave's sister. Therefore, it was never a pressing issue for him. Dave's parents also do not expect their children to support them financially because they are financially independent. However, they do expect emotional support and care from their children; and it is important for them to be able to meet their children and know that they are doing fine. Nevertheless, Dave does provide some housing and travel allowance for his parents. As his parents are still able to live and travel on their own, Dave has not come out with any solid plan for taking care of his parents. Anyhow, it is also not a problem for Dave. Furthermore, Dave's parents know that he is independent therefore they don't really have to worry about him. They have trust in his ability and decisions for his life. His parents also know about how Dave interacts with his siblings, so they somehow leave him to settle family matters as the eldest son in the family.

DISCUSSION

From the cases above, the role expectations for the three eldest sons in their family are similar yet vary in form and intensity. As the primogeniture in the family, the common role expectations of filial piety they face are marriage, procreation, respecting and taking care of their parents. These role expectations are either (a) normative expectations of the son, which the respondents adhere to or anticipated, e.g. providing care and financial supports, and marriage; (b) the expectations of other player - parents; and (c) other reference groups, such as relatives and family's friends or associates.

The Problematic Role Expectations

Among all these role expectations, the expectations of marriage and procreation had/have been the major sources of role conflict for Alfred and William, but less significant in Dave's case. Alfred experienced tremendous role conflict when he was young. The conflict arose because these expectations contradicted his self-conception and perception about being gay. However, Alfred managed to resolve this role conflict later on in his life. As for William, he conformed to all these expectations when he was young. This conformity was most probably due to his dependence on his family and also an absence of subculture influence as compared to Alfred and Dave's early exposure to gay subculture, despite the fact that three of them realized their homosexuality at early age. This is evident when William's role conflict experiences heightened after he adopted the gay identity, where he is caught between fulfilling his parents' expectations and living a homosexual lifestyle. William's role conflicts is also compounded by the possible negative sanctions and consequences - losing his rights to inherit the family business, rejection and damaging the reputation of his family, which are taken into consideration in deciding his coping strategies. On the contrary, Dave has not experienced any overt role conflict in his family with regard to filial piety and his homosexuality. The absence of overt role conflict may be the result of having less pursuant parents, staying away from home since Dave's teens and his successful coping strategies.

Coping with Role Conflict

All three respondents demonstrate a diverse ways of coping with the contradictory role expectations of filial piety and their homosexuality, which in turn, features their individual characteristics. Alfred anticipated his parents' expectations of him and decided to reject the expectations for him to get married and to procreate. The coping strategies he employed were mixed, but more confrontational in nature. Alfred first segregated the conflicting roles by separating his family life and gay life. When his parents emitted the expectations he rejected, he negotiated them with his parents by confronting and reasoning. However, as Alfred negotiated the expectation, he was subjected to another role conflict related to filial piety - being regarded as disrespectful (unfilial) by his father. But Alfred restructured his ideation of filial piety to reduce the stress of role conflict. This is obvious when he said; "I rather be unfilial than follow the notion of filial piety fatuously and become a laughingstock for others." In fact the notion of filial piety can sometimes be contradictory to righteousness (cf. Lok, 2000). Alfred also tried to delay/distance himself from performing the expectations with excuses. At worst, he even thought of ending his life. Alfred's problems subsided gradually after the marriage of his brother and rested ultimately after his coming out in the family. Now he maintains his relationship with the parents by caring and providing for them.

Among the three cases, William is the one who is still coping with the role conflict at the time the interview was conducted. William is not as "daring" as Alfred to confront his parents. This is most probably because he depends on the family business for his livelihood and he anticipates negative sanctions and consequences should he rebel, which are not the case for Alfred and Dave. Hence, William takes a more accommodative approach when coping with the conflict situations. William segregates the conflicting roles by remaining discreet about his homosexuality and keeping his gay lifestyle private, and hence lives a compartmented life. This is not only to conceal his homosexuality from his parents, but also from the public. Hence notes were taken for his interview instead of audio recording. When William is confronted with the conflicting expectations, he tries to negotiate with his parents. However, they are too powerful for him to negotiate and hence he resort to compromise as long as he does not have to commit himself. He also tries to avoid conflict situation by avoiding his parents, reference groups or just remain silent; he even considers the possibility of moving out. William also used to distance himself from performing the expectations with excuses, e.g. too young, busy, etc. In addition, William also employs a cognitive coping strategy, which is to restructure his view on filial piety to make the problem less worrisome. Nevertheless, William admits that his parents' power may overrule all his coping efforts.

Compares to Alfred and William, Dave has tactful and subtle ways of dealing with the issue of filial expectations and his homosexuality in his family. This is evident through the way he dealt with his parents expectation for him to get married; instead of negotiating or excusing himself from the expectation, he tactfully introduced his partner to them, dined with them and show his parents their double bed! This is interesting that the issue of sexuality has been treated with tactfulness in Dave's family, where there is a tacit consent that it is better to not talk openly about sexuality. This situation leaves an open door for Dave to integrate his homosexuality into his family life, which invalidates the expectation of marriage. According to Chou (2001), the integration of same-sex relationship into the Chinese kinship system is not impossible. One's male partner can be accepted into his family as close friend or adopted brother. This is because the boundaries of the Chinese familial system are flexible and friendship is also valued as one of the five cardinal relationships 7 in Confucian dictum. Dave also proved himself to be a good son by showing his care and responsible for the family and furthermore, his capability to strive for a good socio-economical position in the society on his own.

Based on the different ways that the three respondents cope with the role expectations for the son in their families, their characteristics become clear: Alfred is rather rebellious and straightforward, William is obedient with less self-affirmation and Dave is an intellectual person, who observes and strategizes his moves. Nevertheless, the reciprocal effects of the coping strategies on respondents' characteristics should not be underestimated. Besides, the respondents' personal characteristics, their economic independence and gay subculture involvement also play a crucial part in determining the strategies that they can employ. By comparing with Alfred and Dave, William's dependence on the family business has delimited his power to negotiate the problematic expectations; and the lack in his gay subculture involvement also hinder him to take a more self-affirmed approach in dealing with his homosexuality in the family.

The Dynamisms of Role in Chinese Family

Despite the presumed rigidity in the normative role expectations for the son in Chinese family, it is evident in the cases of Alfred and Dave that the roles of the son can be dynamic; and can be changed with the change of the context in which these roles are played. For instance, Alfred and Dave are able to remain as a good son by providing care and support for their parents, perhaps, as compensation for not getting married and continuing the family lineage. In Alfred's case, the context for the expectations of continuing the family linage changed when Alfred's brother got married and provided two children. As noted by Shi ( 2001), the responsibility of continuing the family linage is shared among brothers in the Chinese family. Furthermore, the role of the "eldest son" was also transferable to Alfred's younger brother. In the case of Dave's family, the ideations of primogeniture and continuing the "incense smoke at the ancestral shrines" by the son are changing, as Dave's parents are satisfied with the grandchildren from Dave's sister. However, these dynamisms are not significant in William's case.

CONCLUSION

From the above discussion, the cases typify the normative role expectations for the son in Chinese family; however, they may vary in form and intensity. The common filial role expectations include marriage, procreation, respect, and take care of the parents. These role expectations, as highlighted in the theoretical framework, are (a) normative expectations of the son; (b) the expectations of other player; and (c) other reference groups. But, not all filial role expectations will result in role conflict with regard to respondents' homosexuality. Instead, some roles can be emphasised to compensate the unfulfilled ones. Whereas the main role expectations that trigger role conflict are marriage and continuing the family linage. However, the intensity of stress stemming from these role conflict varies according to: (a) the extent that the respondents are pressured to take on the son's role expectations; (b) the possible negative sanctions and consequences accompanied with non-conformity to son's roles; and (c) the respondents' adjustment abilities and capacities.

The major coping strategies taken by the respondents in the conflict situations include: (a) choice among norms; (b) compromise among norms; (c) negotiation of expectations; (d) restructuring one's view of the expectation; (e) s egregating conflicting roles ; (f) role distance and (g) avoidance. Their choice of coping strategies is depended on: (a) the personal characteristics/styles; (b) the perceived sanctions and consequences; (c) the economic dependency of the respondent on his family; and (d) the extent of gay subculture involvement. Nevertheless, their role expectations of the son are negotiable, non-static and will change with the negotiation between the parents and son, with the change of context in which the roles are played, or with the change of ideation of role expectations on the son in the parents; so as the respondents' experiences of role conflict. It is through this ongoing negotiation and reconstruction of role expectations, these respondents formed their diverse outlooks and lifestyles of being gay and son. Hence their gay identities or perhaps the Chinese gay men in Malaysia or Asia in general, are not as monolithic and Westernised as most people assumed it to be, and they can only be understood, mainly, in the context of their interactions within their families.

NOTES

1. Penal Code, Chapter XVI, Article 377A, "Any person who has sexual connection with another person by the introduction of the penis into the anus or mouth of the other person is said to commit carnal intercourse against the order of nature"; and in Article 377B, "Whoever voluntarily commits carnal intercourse against the order of nature shall be punished with imprisonment for a term which may extend to 20 years, and shall also be liable to whipping."
2. This is how the former Prime Minister of Malaysia , Tun Dr. Mahathir commented on homosexuality, with regard to Anwar's sodomy trial (Business Times: 26 th September 1998).
3. These words were expressed by the head of education and research at Malaysia 's Islamic Affairs Department, Abdul Kadir Che Kob in an interview with TIME Asia (Ramakrishnan, 2000).
4. This typology has been used in researching women's coping mechanisms in role conflict situation (Biddle, 1986).
5. "Coming out", "out" or "come out from the closet" is the act of self-admission or disclosure of one's homosexuality to others.
6. "Straight" refers to heterosexual.
7. Confucian's five cardinal relationships includes relationship between father and son (parent and child); between husband and wife; between brothers; between ruler and subject; and between friends (Lang 1968; Hsu, 1981)

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* The earlier version of this paper was presented at the 4 th International Malaysian Studies Conference, UKM, Bangi (3-5 August 2004). The author would like to thank Dr. Tan Liok Ee for her comments on the draft of this manuscript. The author would also like to thank the participants in this study.